guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
