i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I have fence marks all over my body
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
