you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
