They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
