I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
This toilet bowl is my home.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
So. Much. Porn.
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