I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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