11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
The best revenge is premature balding
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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