There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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