Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Sorry my hands just texted you
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
