just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
