im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
