spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
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