I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
