He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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