she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
