He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
