Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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