I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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