Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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