Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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