Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
