Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize