What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Are my feet made of real feet?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize