He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
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