I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
lol hangovers are for mortals.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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