he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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