but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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