is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
