I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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