I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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