Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
