I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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