i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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