After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize