Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
