Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
