I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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