I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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