This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
