Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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