I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
