Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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