Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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