so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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