Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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