That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
