Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
