Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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