Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
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