maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
