Umm I'm too high to move.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
