soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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