my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
