so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
