Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
