if you like me you must not know who I am
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
