so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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