This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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