where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
