I'll bet she douches with gravy.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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