I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
