i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
