never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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