I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
