the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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