Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
