More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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