last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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