the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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