i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
