We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
