i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
