My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
