apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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