Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
ok first of all what the fuck
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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