so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
