The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
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