i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
