She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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