I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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