Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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