Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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