I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
