i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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