Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
