When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
