the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
