He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
